And I went to Session court, Lahore.

As a witness.

To something I found out about on the way.

The ‘defendant’ did not show up. Neither his lawyer. ‘Our’ lawyer seemed to have an epiphany as against his practice, he actually checked some records. He found out they do not need a witness anymore. The defendant has not been following previously-given court orders since March 2005; that’s almost 6 months.

The reader for the judge is the pimp that will put Snoop Dogg to shame. Only that he hustles for witnesses and sways the judgement with his winks to his sitting judge. His winks only happen if he has been paid enough of course.

It was my first time. To any sort of courts that is. And the only thing I can do about that is thank God for keeping my circumstances and my impulses within reach and out of law’s squinting eyes. Of course, Winston Churchil was not excercising his wit when he directly related his country’s existence to his country’s judiciary. I hear that when he was told about England’s possible collapse, he simply asked about the health of the country’s judiciary. For in his opinion, there is no need to worry; England will rise if she serves her people with justice.

But we are Pakistan. A president-slash-general makes the laws. The puppets hail it, the opponents violently reject it only to give in when their ‘demands’ are met! God knows what those are! And of course, nobody implements it. Judges and their team of ‘professionals’ make cartloads of money. People are drained, the only thing left behind is perhaps some salt for the tears that will eventually ensue. Ladies and gentlemen, here justice is served cold. If at all.

Law is not a service, not a profession and definitly not something nobel for us. It is a business that in itself is run on the principles of bribery, on unprecendented favoritism and on bad tea.

No witness-ing today! Happy that I did not teeter with God’s strict orders on not providing false witness. Though I was not a false witness, I was getting cold feet nonetheless. I wonder how many cases get swayed here due to false witnesses etc? If the grapevine is to believed then there seems to be more ‘false’ witnesses on the stand than the actual ones. Hmmm…

On the way out, had a sickly sweet cup of diluted water disguised as tea. Our courts can not even serve the right tea, what chance does ‘justice’ have?

Aradia at the atlanta metblog recently wrote a post on how certain phrases are very geographically grounded in atlanta. Being a non-lahori until quite recently, it’s funny how I came across and slowly adapted to a new vocabulary once I got here, words new and weird, which now roll off my tongue easily. Words have very different connotations in Karachi and Lahore – (since those are the only two places whose slang I’m acquainted with :p) The most obvious ones that come to mind are –

-‘set hai‘ (it’s all good) in Karachi becomes ‘fit hai‘ in Lahore
-Lahoris use banda (girl) and bandi (guy) …Karachiites usually just use less slanger versions, like dude, or simply girl and guy.
-Lahoris use shugal for fun, and Karachiites usually use mazaa. (:D)
–“koi nahin” in Lahore, for “no worries”, turns into “kuch nahin hota“, or “chalta hai” in Karachi
-“wela” for someone who’s got all the time in the world, in Lahore, and “farigh” in Karachi.

Terms that I’ve only heard in Lahore include –
-cheeta for someone brillant
–chaa gaya for “way to go”, “wow”, “congrats”, “you rock”…
–bongi for something that’s really dumb
–yeh cheez for “wow”, “way to go”, “congrats”, “you rock”.. :
–pack ho gayee for “i got freaked out”
–chikk diya for “aced it”

Words like TC and phrases like “sahih keh rahay/rahi ho” (“Yeah, right!) and “must hai!” (it’s a must!), and “what’s the scene” exist across the board I think. Do excuse the academically focused slang, but uni’s the only place that I’ve picked up these words from… :)

Am sure there’re loads more that I can’t think of at the moment…feel free to add :)

And this isn’t slang, but Lahoris tend to roll off the ends of their sentences in non-urdu-like ways – such as ‘kar dayeen’, (“do it”), instead of the urdu-er version – “kar do”. Punjabi influence on the tongue I guess.

SInce there’s a wave of getting new names and stuff…
maybe this would interest you guys….

pirate name generator

its from my special list of “101 useless but fun things to do on the the net”

:D

Good ole’ Mush, about a week ago he happened to make some beautifully choice remarks about rape in Pakistan to none other than the Washington Post. According to the man in charge of the Land of the Pure, women get raped in order to get a Canadian passport and a nice pot of cash (a hit at Mukhtaran Mai. Yes, there are holes in the case but the fact remains that she was assaulted and that is what matters most, not which court the case was tried in). Someone please rape him and ask him if he wants a Canadian citizenship. Three cheers for all the supreme bozos who we trust with our country- I don’t really care whether a dictator or democracy; they’re all useless, just in varying degrees.

Just stumbled upton an August issue of Friday Times and there’s a list of Top Ten Reasons why ‘Pakistan is mentinoed in the Foreign Media’. Intriguing must I say?

10. Gang rape
9. Honour Killing
8. Mukhtaran Mai
7. Osama
6. London bombing
5. Terrrorist training camps
4. Train crash
3. Plane crash
2. Bus crash
1. Stock market crash

Another interesting read, more inclined towards feminism and Pakistan, is at chowk. It does have some moving talk about Media. Although, I’m not at in mood to agree on most accounts, but anyway, I don’t feel like moral majority here. Point:

“In a nutshell, the world public is unsure about what Pakistan is all about. Editors

Since I can’t think of anything interesting to post about Lahore tonight so for a change, here is a little test for all of you.

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in 3 seconds that your Right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and one minute, then your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between one minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and You need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes your right half of your brain is a mess, and the only advise is to look more for these types of exercises to make that part of the brain stronger.

The man really is there. In fact, once you find him, you cannot miss him afterwards.

ufff, seems like my brain is a mess as it took me a minute to find that man :D

I Was just wondering that to my knowledge lahore seems to have mainly hafeez centre as the hub for electronics specially mobiles , computers and laptops…..However the prices there are sky high . anyone aware of some good place for laptops….
I Really do wish we could have more coffee houses , more book shops ( seems like no one reads any more …. The sunday bazaars at karachi and islamabad beat us cold here they have great bargains….the last time I went to the karachi itwar bazaar I counted no less then 21 yep thats right 21 book shops) and more places to hang out ….

Saw these earrings made out of motia (?) flowers for the first time, quite innovative. Got them on mall road from one of those men who sell flowers to your car window. I know, I know, women’ve worn flowers in their ears for ages here, but this just takes convenience to a new level right? One day disposable earrings, and very very cool smelling, all around.

In the midst of all the weirdness, I somehow convinced one of my friends to actually start blogging. What’s more exciting is he’s named his blog radiolahore; raves, rants and everything else about Lahore. Check him out at Pierristan.

Unfortunately, his blog is in French. You can translate it using Google or Babelfish.

I’m extremely proud of taking this strange pic of one of my most-beloved architectural structure in Lahore.
Doesn’t it look like a Devil’s Fort like this. Really spooky! Isn’t it?